she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Randomize
