Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
