just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
