Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you made out with another girl for some wings
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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