Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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