i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
