It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
