If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
