I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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