So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
