What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
two words: eviction party
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
