do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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