I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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