Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
