I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
