they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
