Im at strip club and am horny
I just made out with a guy for $7.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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