Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
