this just has baby written all over it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
