I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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