3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
