just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
