i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
