He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
