Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
