I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
