Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
