I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
