Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
