Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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