i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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