i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
zippers are such a cool invention
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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