ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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