I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
