like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
