break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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