i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
