Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When are your genitals available?
did i just pee glitter
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
