You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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