Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
