Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
