I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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