is your mom at the bar?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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