I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
