Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
