Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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