we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
