Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
