never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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