i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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