Sacagawea was the original milf.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
